dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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