great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
