God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
