I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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