I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize