whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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