Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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