Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
