I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
