don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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