Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
