So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
