Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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