Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
