I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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