it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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