they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
