I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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