As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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