I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
