in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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