I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
