Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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