one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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