Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
