I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
