i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
