we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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