I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
