How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
