I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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