your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
