If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
