I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
