1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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