just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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