whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
