so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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