It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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