well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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