dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
