She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
