Im at strip club and am horny
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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