this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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