Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
