I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
