just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
