She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
