I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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