About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
no you cant smoke seaweed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
