if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
