I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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