I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize