I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
