please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
