Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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