Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize