How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
