So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
