im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
