Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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