my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
