GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
