he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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