a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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