you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
