I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize