i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
