this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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