I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
