How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
