I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
