Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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