Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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