Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
