In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
These tits shall not be calmed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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