The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
