i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
home. puking in laundry basket.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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