You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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