When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
