I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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