My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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