I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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