i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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