ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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