i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
