Your tits are I can't wait for
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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