You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
