Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
