Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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